Spilt Orange Juice

We're not supposed to cry over spilt milk.  But my daughter didn't spill her milk.  It was orange juice.  And the tears came.  Not from her, but from me. 

Not a big deal, orange juice washes out of a table cloth.  And most people come to expect a 2 year old to spill their drinks more often than not.  But my 2 year old is different.  It wasn't her young hands that failed her, it was her brain.  She had a seizure.  One of many she has every day.

We are one and a half years into a diagnosis process.  A diagnosis of epilepsy.

And I'm tired.

I'm tired physically.  From dragging a two year old, and at times the whole family, to doctors appointments and new hospitals.  From adminstering medicine over and over, day after day, sometimes easily, sometimes with a difficult two year old who likes to make things challenging.  I'm tired, mentally, from trying to make decisions about treatment.  From racking my brain for answers that will most likely never be there.    From trying to understand what doctors go to school for years to understand.  I'm tired emotionally.  From anger at old doctors who seem to have not done all they could to find an answer.  From trying to stay calm when "explaining" that someone might see something unusual with my daughter every so often, but don't worry.  She's fine.  Tired from knowing she's not fine.  Tired from trying not to freak out when grandparents react to what I must pretend not to notice every. single. day. to keep life "normal" for my kids.  Tired from seeing other kids who are suffering much more than my child and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm tired.  And it is so hard to be strong when you are tired, but strong I must be.  Strong for my children because they don't know that their sister has something "wrong" with her.  And they shouldn't.  Strong for my husband or else he would have to carry this weight on his shoulders alone.  Strong for our extended family who do react.  Because they care.  They don't know how to not care, which of course makes us blessed.

We are so very blessed.  Blessed to have a new doctor who is eager to get answers.  Blessed to have an amazing hospital nearby that is full of people who not only want sick kids to get better, but to smile as much as possible while they get better.  Blessed to have a beautiful daughter who is so full of life that she makes us laugh more than enough to make us forget her "issues" most of the time.

But most importantly, blessed to have a Father who, though I forget to turn to Him all of the time, never forgets to be there for me.  To tell me to "Be Not Afraid."  I've had to cling to this scripture over the last year and a half.  Because I am afraid, a lot.  But there really is no reason to be afraid.  Because God's plan is perfect.  And as long as I can remember that, there is peace. 

And I can always buy more orange juice. 

To Do List

~ laundry
~ finish Christmas cards
~ laundry
~ hang some items throughout the house
~ laundry
~ reading
~ laundry
~ attacking the calendar for a 6 month outlook
~ and you guessed it...more laundry

Happy Monday!

Stopping in to share...

I want to say things are crazy busy here right now, but I think I will just stick with things are crazy here.  But I wanted to share these couple of things with you before I lose track of them, again. 

Both of these were shared on Facebook by friends of mine.

Blessed Are the Uncool

Don't Carpe Diem

Here's to a great Tuesday!

Merry Christmas!

May the Good News of our Saviour's birth bring peace and joy to you and your loved ones!

Checking In and Prayer Requests

We've made it to Virginia and are trying to set up house as fast as we can, hoping to have as normal a living space as possible before the baby comes. The last month has been a whirlwind between traveling 2/3 of the country, sleeping in multiple places, learning our way around our new "hometown" and just being VERY PREGNANT. I also managed to catch some nasty virus that has made me even less helpful to my husband over the last couple of weeks. The good news is that I'm starting to feel better and we are making progress on the house. Obviously, all of this "adventure" has kept me from blogging. And it's just been over the last few nights that I've been on my computer to read my usual blogs. I think I had 300 posts waiting for me in Reader. So bear with me as I catch up. While you are so patiently waiting for me to post something new, if you could say a prayer that Baby stays put for a little while longer, so we can get the house "finished," (is a house ever finished?) we would appreciate it. I'm definitely okay with an on-time arrival this go-round. But more importantly, if you could pray for another baby to stay put until he/she is supposed to. Do you read Kate's blog? If not, I highly recommend it!

Happy Independence Day! Stay safe!


Oh...and while I may not be posting much myself, as I get caught up with my favorite blogs, I will still be sharing my favorite posts under my Shared Items. So don't hesitate to check in to see what other brilliant bloggers are saying!

That's What I Get For Complaining

Even jokingly.

Apparently, things were going a little too smoothly around here, so why not add in a little Pink Eye? My sweet Maire is the first victim. :( So Tom spent 3 hours in the ER with her last night and any plans of productivity for today are being altered to comfort my baby and contain her germs. And if missing Mass this morning isn't disappointing enough, we are also missing a sweet new baby's baptism. This is our first experience with Pink Eye in our house, and here's praying that it is a short one with limited victims.

Sunday Blessings!

A Request for Uncle Sam

Uncle Sam, the next time you would like my husband to drag his family across the country, could you please check with my womb first? This pregnant while moving thing is not all that it's cracked up to be. The aching back, inability to lift too much weight, extreme fatigue, and my brain's inability to function properly are not exactly speeding up the moving process. Oh, and then there is the moodiness! Not that it affects me all that much, but I don't like to see the other people who live in my house get upset when I bite their head off. I think it a mothering thing.

Just thought I would put that out there.

Thanks,
A Cranky, But Still Proud, Military Wife

You Got Me There

Mommy to Puppy: "Avalanche, what are you eating?"

Alexis to Mommy: "Mom, you know he can't talk, right?"

{this moment: sleeping sisters}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. Photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor, remember. If you're inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Random Thoughts

Why are jeans and an oversized hoodie soooo comfortable?

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Laundry used to be my favorite chore. And then I had kids. Girls.

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I actually had to make lunch today. What's up with that?

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The weather here lately is making it much easier to leave Colorado and head east. I know I'll be having different thoughts in July. In Virginia. 9 months pregnant. (Have I mentioned I'm not a big fan of humidity?)

{this moment: sunshine and smiles}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. Photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor, remember. If you're inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Living a Life of Luxury

Who needs a personal assistant (or the salary required to employ one) when you have a 2 year old who will not only escort you into the bathroom every time you need to go, but will also lift the toilet lid for you?

REJOICE!!!

Happy Easter, from our home to yours!

Hint, Hint

Rationing toilet paper from a central location in the house is probably a big clue that a trip to the store is needed.

Right?

LOVE. IT.

Thanks to Tanya for sharing.

I would be blogging...

...but there is a serious dance party going on! The star of the show...1 year old Maire!

Not Getting A Lot of Sleep

Why am I on my blog at 1:15 in the morning?

My brain will not stop, which means I can't sleep.

We found out yesterday that we will be in a new house next week. So I'm constantly thinking about furniture arrangements, new curtains, how to pack all of this stuff...

I have a 3 day volleyball tournament this weekend that is out-of-town, which requires extra planning since now I will have the baby while Tom stays home with the big girls to pack. Plus, there are the 12 middle school girls that I will be worrying about all weekend.

Family is coming in 3 weeks for Tom's promotion.

I'm falling behind on everything else and I can't stop thinking about it. Did I mention that February was turning out to be way too busy even before we found out about the move?

Oh, and Maire still doesn't want to sleep longer than 2 hours at any one time so I'm exhausted through all of this. Needless to say, I need to scale back on anything that does not immediately benefit my family. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

If you don't hear from me until after Easter, you know why.

Praying for Donuts

SECONDS after telling the 2 year old that she was not behaving and would not be getting a donut after Mass, this is what we saw...

Shopping for a Church

Over at Faith and Family Live!, they are having a discussion about whether or not to "shop" for a parish. I went to put my two cents in and came out with a comment that deserved its own post.


Ideally, I think you should attend your home parish. If it's broke, then you be the one to fix it. Or at least get the solution started.

Having said that, I think I have "shopped" for every parish I've belonged to in my married life and have been greatly blessed by doing so. When we were stationed in Utah, just finding a Catholic church was difficult. We really only had 2 options. The church off base turned off my then Protestant fiance with the very senior priest's fire and brimstone homilies. We ended up becoming members of the base chapel, mostly because my husband worked with the woman who was in charge of the RCIA program on base which he became a part of. I will always cherish that chapel because that is where my husband entered the Church and because of a very important couple we met there.

We then moved to Boston and encountered the exact opposite, having a Catholic church on every block it seemed. Of course, the Church in Boston is facing great challenges which has affected its attendance. We attended Mass at our "official" parish that first Sunday in a large, beautiful church. It did not feel welcoming, however, with only a few parishioners in attendance and most of them elderly. We eventually became members of the next closest parish, still only 5 minutes away. This parish was a blessing because of the priest who was very personable and great with children. He even attended our oldest daughter's birthday party once. I have yet to see another priest so involved with his parishioners, especially the children.

Moving once more, we took a different approach this time. We "shopped" for a parish before we decided where to live, in hopes of influencing our decision. Having decided on a parish (a large factor was the number of young families with children in attendance) it is still not our "official" parish because we decided to live on base. But, for some of the same reasons as Michelle stated in her comment, we have stayed with the off base parish. It still isn't perfect, I don't care for the architecture and I don't know if the priest recognizes us (despite baptizing one of our children and our very regular attendance at Mass), and we didn't put our 4 yo in CCD/Faith Formation this year because of some negative comments we heard. But this is where I can step up for this parish and help to strengthen what may be a weak link. Maybe that is why God put me here. And again, the blessings are many. A new family sat in "our pew" a month ago and we are fast becoming good friends. And remember that special couple from the chapel in Utah? They were already parishioners here (the Air Force is a small world) and have since become godparents to our youngest child, not only blessing her, but spiritually supporting our entire family.

This is all not to say that we won't be switching again. I have already thought about it due to our oldest attending Catholic school at a different parish because this church does not have a school. If we were to move off base, a possibility in the not so distant future, this would be a HUGE consideration.

Reality

So, obviously my last post was not of the positive variety. I know a lot of bloggers choose to focus on only the positive in their life and try not to use their blogs as a tool for complaining. I don't feel like I whine too much on here, but I do want to keep it real. The other night, I was feeling pretty bad about myself. I was yelling at the kids, even the baby, and had zero patience for anything and anybody, including myself. Of course, after a little sleep and some fresh perspective in the morning, things looked a little less horrible. I went a head and posted my thoughts, though, because sometimes it is nice to know that other people are struggling and we are not alone in facing our challenges. Life is hard. But with God's grace, we can get through any tough time. And sometimes, just sharing our thoughts (letting it out, so to speak) can help relieve a little of the stress. That is a lesson I desperately need to learn!